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Embrace The Chaos

Moving forward in uncertainty

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Defining Success in Times of Change and Disruption

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Today, I would like to share two concepts that I have come to realize are important in helping us move forward in times of change and uncertainty.

1. We are more likely to get what we want – when we are clear about – what the outcome looks like.

How do we define success? Is there a dollar number? Is it running a successful business? Is it a big house? A loving partner? Is it vague or really specific?

I am suggesting that in these times of great fog brought about by the forces of change, disruption and turbulence…

Having a general and vague idea about how you define success is not good enough. Vague aspirations don’t work. 

It’s not good enough to say “I want more” or a “better job” or “grow my business”.

Because “more” doesn’t help us identify when we might have achieved it.

Because “better” doesn’t compel us to keep moving forward on tough days.

Because “more” is unlikely to give us a sense of meaning.

Because “better” will not give us a strong enough reason to push through obstacles.

 

Define Success with Specific Outcomes Not Goals

Think in outcomes not in goals.

A goal is generally broad: “I want to lose weight”. But an outcome is the result of your goal and very specific and measurable. More clarity around your outcome helps focus and inspire you. This is an outcome: “I want to be able to go up the stairs on December 25th without huffing and puffing and go into my closet and put on a pair of jeans that fit me really well and walk downstairs to enjoy Christmas dinner with my family.”

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How to Grow in Times of Change

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I believe this is the best time to grow. Grow in our career. Grow in our business. Grow in life. There are more opportunities during times of disruption than ever – that’s because everything is undergoing massive competition and chaos. All of us – from small business owners to students to working stiffs to corporate career climbers – we are all seeking ways to grow in an ocean of change and complexity.

But too often we seek growth from our boss, the economy, certain market conditions or something outside to change. But what I have realized over my life are these 7 fundamental truths:

 

1. Growth Comes From Within.

Whatever you want to do – whatever you wish to have – whoever you wish to become starts from the inside. 

No one will tap you on your shoulder and say, “Here’s a lot more money for this really great job”. That will not happen. If you want to know how to grow – stop looking to the outside and start looking at yourself. Brick by brick, you have to build that business. Breath by breath, you have to build that life. Job by job, you have to build that career, one action at a time.

Here’s why: We have no control of the external world. We can’t control our boss, our colleagues, our customers or business partners. We have no control over them or the market conditions which will allow us to have a prosperous business. But we do have control over ourselves.

This is under our control: The way we adapt to the change. The ideas we bring forth. The way we handle crisis. Our ability to speak to people about fundraising for our startup or business. How we pitch a customer. Our creativity, innovation, drive, resilience, learning and attitude – all of these things are determined not by other people or the economy but the ingenuity of our own mind.

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One Trait For Turbulent Times

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willWe live in times of profound change,  uncertainty and disruption.

I believe that because of greater entropy in our world today, we will experience more change and chaos in our lives.

We WILL face change and disruption. It’s not if – only when.

That is the reality of our lives: More surprises and shocks.

In my own journey, I have realized that there is one trait above all else that is paramount if we’re to learn to thrive in times of change and that is:

Will

The will to keep moving forward

The will to put ego aside and change yourself

The will to pick yourself up when you fail

The will to get another job after you’ve been laid off or downsized

The will to pick up the phone when the last prospect doesn’t email back for weeks

The will to go on a blind date without being sour after a lengthy relationship crashed

The will to move forward despite the physical pain and suffering that you’re enduring with an illness

The will to believe in yourself when others don’t

The will to fight when you’re so tired of doing it for so long

Skill, competence, smarts, intellect, luck, humor contribute deeply to fertilize the soil of our character but not as much as the strength of our will. Especially when in times of change where we are hit with seemingly random and unexpected events more often.

Obstacles in front of you are no match for your will.

The true test of success in times of change and uncertainty is our measured by our Will.

It is the trait that will define us for the times of turbulence. It is this one thing that will determine if we will succeed in love, life or enterprise. It is the will to go on despite the difficult road ahead.

Why is Will so important?
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Be Useful in Times of Change and Turbulence

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Tokyo. July 2016. Bob Miglani being photobombed by Japanese Chef who loves his job.

It feels like the world’s a mess.

From uncertainty in the world, change in our job, chaos in our career, disruption in our business, randomness in our life, it feels like nothing is secure, certain or predictable.

We often get so consumed by all the change going on in the world and the troubling headlines that we forget what we’re here to do. And that lack of clarity is what makes us feel worried, stressed and stuck.

So what do we do in times of change and turbulence?

Be Useful.

Build. Get busy building a body of work that you’ll be proud of at the end of your life. Be useful in building bridges. Be useful in building relationships. Be useful in building up people not tearing them down.

Give. Be useful to someone in your life. Help someone work through a problem they’re struggling with. Be honest. We all know someone who needs help. Don’t deny them because you don’t have time. Giving your skills and support gives your life a renewed sense of purpose.

Work. Be useful to your work. Show up early. Act sooner. Complain less. Call a customer. Return emails faster. Be proactive. Instead of killing an idea, encourage an idea. Dedicate yourself to a cause bigger than yourself.

Engage. Be useful in how you speak to people. The words we use matter to others and to ourselves. Use meaningful words. Words that say what you really mean. Don’t dance around a topic. Get straight to it. Be the person of substance that you are by using rich, bold, powerful words with real meaning, emotion, intelligence and pragmatism.

Solve. Be useful in solving your problems. Stop overthinking your mistakes and what went wrong. Stop blaming yourself or other people even if they are to blame. Do something useful to solve your problem. You’re the only one who can. Get out a sheet of paper and start writing your plan and take action. [Read more…]

How to Choose the Right Path

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shutterstock_115238050Which path should I take?

I have asked myself this question many times. I made countless analysis, asked lots of people for advice but it’s still difficult because there’s so much information floating around in my head that choosing the right path becomes overwhelming.

But there is one lesson I have realized only recently with a profound sense of truth about how to choose the right path in life:

Take the hard one.

The hard path is the one full of chaos which is where we have to make sacrifices, confront our fears often finding ourselves in a fog of uncertainty.

Sure there are variations of easy path and hard ones but when we boil it down to the fundamental truth, we often know the right path to take but we often struggle with making a decision or a choice because the path we need to take is often a grueling one fraught with obstacles, unknowns and hard work. Back breaking work. Gut wrenching courage.

Whether we’re trying to repair a fragile relationship with a loved one or move across the country or make a major career shift or start a new business, choosing the hard path is not our first choice.

Why should we purposely pursue the hard path? 

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How to Find the Motivation to Change Your Life

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how to find the motivation to change your lifeThere are two major forces that give us motivation to change our life: Pain and Desire.

Pain.

When I was growing up, I hated being poor. It was my pain.  I despised the lack of everything. Food, a regular bed and a lack of a safe environment to live. The pain to get out of those circumstances compelled me to study, gain knowledge, learn skills, look for a job and work hard.

Pain worked because it forced me to do things I didn’t like or necessarily want to do. Pain became the motivation to change my life because I hated my present situation at the time and I was willing to do whatever it took to get out.

Pain is the side of a magnet that helps push us away from a terrible place.

But go where?

I couldn’t just run away and wander around aimlessly. I need a place to go. And that’s when I needed the other force:

Desire.

Along with pain, desire gave me the motivation to change my life because it helped identify a place to go. As a kid, I had this burning desire to be successful. To make money because I wanted to help my struggling family put food on the table. At the public library in Flushing, Queens and then in the small town in New Jersey where we moved at the time, I would read magazines and books about famous business people and world leaders and would aspire to be like them.

Desire became the motivation to change my life because it forced me to identify, visualize and move my mind and body towards a specific type of life that I badly wanted. It was something concrete providing the much needed target by which to express my energy. Desire helped identify a goal.

That burning motivation was so powerful that it pulled me out of bed in the morning to do things I once thought impossible.

Desire is the other side of the magnet that pulls us towards something great.

How to find the motivation to change your life when there’s no pain nor desire? When we’re feeling a little stuck?

As I live in these extraordinary times of profound change and uncertainty, I realize that often we may not have that severe pain nor severe desire. But we feel a need to grow in our career, our business, our health, our relationships and our life. We want to find the motivation to change our life and get unstuck. Over the last several years of my own personal transformation from someone who worried about the future all the time to someone who is less stressed, more engaged and productive and often more fulfilled, I would like to share that to find the motivation to change your life requires four things: [Read more…]

How to Stay Optimistic During Tough Times

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How to stay optimistic during tough times

Tree of Hope inside the lobby of a hospital. New Delhi, India.

There are 1 billion search results for the phrase, “How to be positive” on Google. A close second is “How to be optimistic at work”.

It makes me wonder: Does it help to be optimistic in times of change and uncertainty? And if so, how do we stay optimistic during tough turbulent times?

Does it help to be optimistic?

I believe the answer is YES.

 

Here’s why: Being optimistic allows us to get up and try again.

Like most of us, I’ve been on both sides of the fence. Sometimes pessimistic, other times optimistic. And even the middle path of a realist who often struggles with trying to be hopeful in the face of brutal facts.

In all of those experiences I’ve had, I have realized that being an optimist has helped me more than being a pessimist because optimism leads to hope.

And hope has always given me the impetus for action. For going on. For moving forward.

Despite how bad the situation was, having optimistic thoughts allowed me to persevere through the adversity I was facing, which either made me stronger or helped me achieve some level of success to overcome the problem.

 

“Optimism gives us breadcrumbs of hope. Whether they lead to a rainbow is not the point. What matters is that we are given enough crumbs to keep going.” -Martin Seligman

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5 Things We Must Accept to Move Forward Towards Success in 2015

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accept5We all have goals we want to achieve.

Get into a nurturing relationship, get a better job, be fit, start or grow the business or find meaning among the chaos of life these days.

Setting resolutions, goals or dreams over these years I’ve learned that the hardest part is the battle I have with myself. It’s not the outside world that destroys our momentum forward created by the New Year or the lack of time or lack of resources. It is our psychology.

It is the inner conflict holding us back that results in the loss of energy in pursuit of a life of prosperity and meaning. I’ve analyzed this deep within myself. What I have learned is that this internal dialogue often rests upon the shoulders of our inability to accept.

We wish for the world to conform to our notions and expectations and when it doesn’t, we have a tough time handling it.

So we stop.

We ‘take a break’ from trying to lose weight.

We ‘take a break’ from that relationship.

We come up with some excuse to not pursue a new career or start a business.

It’s too hard. Too much time is required. Too this. Too that.

I believe that in order for us to pursue our goals, live our lives to the fullest potential, we must learn to accept life on life’s terms, not our own.

I’ve narrowed it down to 5 things that we must accept in order for us to move forward in times of profound change, uncertainty and complexity. By accepting we arm ourselves to move forward more quickly despite the often complicated nature of life.

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How to Stay Calm in the Midst of Chaos:

3 Tips to Regain Control and Be Strong in Stressful Situations

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How to stay calm in the midst of chaosWhether we’re at work facing a difficult situation or at home trying to put the kids to bed, stress can come upon us in an instance.

It can be easy to lose control and composure when we’re facing chaos because we get emotional and find ourselves overreacting. Often it is triggered by a sensation that we are helpless or do not have control of a given situation.

I have often lost my temper with my kids while trying to put them to bed and regretted it an hour later after they’re asleep.

Or in a work conversation where I felt stiff in my neck and back because of some unnerving news or development, where I felt as though I spoke irrationally.

No matter how smart we are, it can be difficult to stay calm in the midst of chaos, especially these days when we feel that moment is threatening our livelihood.

Uncertainty in the workplace to the unpredictability of life around us, any small occurrence can trigger stress, anxiety or tension making us behave inappropriately.

Over the last few years in my journey of learning to deal with uncertainty, I have learned to regain my composure more quickly especially in stressful situations. I re-learned how to stay calm in the midst of chaos so that I don’t lose my temper or act out emotionally at work.

Here are three tips on how to stay calm in the midst of chaos:

1. Breathe

Sitting behind a computer slouched over with our face glaring at the screen is not a good way to be productive and energized. In fact whether we’re working in an office setting or looking at our devices on the go, the fact is that more of us are hunched over than ever before.

And the more our shoulders hunch over, the less oxygen gets into our lungs, thereby depleting our brain of much needed nourishment in blood flow. [Read more…]

How to Overcome Fear:

15 Ways to Break Free and Move Forward

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overcome fear through actionWe fear the unknown, the unpredictable, the randomness.

We fear a dead end job. We fear a low salary in a field we’re about to pursue. We fear losing a loved one. We fear a business climate filled with turbulence, change and disruption. We fear a life without meaning. We fear failure.

Fear sucks the life out of us.

It doesn’t have to be rational or true to make us afraid. Often fueled by an overthinking mind that gets stuck in a vicious cycle, fear keeps us up night and debilitates during the day.

Something as small as a whisper can trigger its emotional chokehold. We pass by the TV and see a news clip of the chaos in the middle east. We stumble upon a website with a story of someone facing a difficult health situation. We hear people say how bad business is ‘these days’.

By bedtime, we are engrossed in a full fledged war with our mind fighting the stories it conjures up. Will I fall ill? Will I lose my job? Will I have enough money? Is the crime rate going up? Will I ever meet someone? Will I sleep tonight? Will I survive?

 

Understand what fear is and what it isn’t

Fear is an emotion. Sometimes a useful one when facing danger but often an irrational one that arises when our senses pick up a trigger from our hyper active and fully transparent and connected external world.

And just like other emotions such as love, anger or happiness, fear is something we can do something about. It is something that we can overcome. More importantly we must overcome fear otherwise, it will paralyze us.

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Move Forward. Embrace the Chaos.

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