The boss isn’t being fair. Co-workers are being being difficult, putting us in tough situations.
It’s hard to focus on the work because of so much drama other people are creating for no good reason.
It becomes particularly frustrating because we can’t fight back against toxic co-workers or the boss no matter how unfair it might seem for the fear of being seen as a whiner or a ‘difficult person’.
With so much uncertainty and chaos at work these days, it’s easy to get consumed and hard to get anything done.
Whether you’re facing difficult co-workers or an unfair manager or an uncertain and complicated situations, here are a few tips that might help you figure out how to deal with difficult work situations so that you create a little peace in your life.
My Key Lesson: The reason we get stressed and anxious in trying to deal with difficult work situations is because we have lost control. Things are so complex and uncertain and it feels as th
ough everyone’s out to get us and we can’t do anything about it.
By bringing back control to ourselves and creating certainty, we can begin to deal with difficult work situations. Yes, even in uncertainty, we can create certainty of something very powerful: Ourself…and the actions we take.
3 Tips on how to deal with difficult work situations:
1. Exercise the frustrations before you get to work
Having to deal with difficult colleagues or complex work environment can be frustrating even though we’re on the side of good. By bottling up the frustrations and releasing it at home, we cause our families more stress than they deserve.
One daily routine I have started doing over the last couple of years is to start my day with exercise. I’ve heard this over the years from doctors and friends but never believed in it until I tried it myself.
Going for a morning walk or a run outside or on the treadmill in the gym right before going into work can clear the mind and give us the natural energy to take on the day. This is because all of the anxiety and tension that is bottled up is released by stressing the body for 30 minutes.
For many years I avoided morning exercise because I thought I wouldn’t have enough time but slowly I realized that I was lying to myself. I was just being a little lazy. Today, I get up an hour earlier than I used to so that I could fit in exercise. It becomes a must that helps me deal with the difficult work situations because a clear mind is less irrational and is able to deal calmly with any situation that arises.
2. Get an outside perspective
Often we get trapped in our overthinking when we’re forced to deal with difficult work situations because it feels as though our entire life rests in our workplace. We get overwhelmed by these situations because we have no other point of view except our own mind in a negative spiral.
Our workplace should be great but if it isn’t, we should know that it is not our universe and doesn’t necessarily represent the real world. It can be a bubble which obscures the truth.
One of the most powerful ways to deal with difficult work situations is to Get Out of Work!
Go for a walk. Go and meet a customer. Call a friend. Meet someone who doesn’t work with you for lunch or a drink after work. Talking about your difficult work situation with a friend can be helpful because it allows you to say exactly how you feel without getting the possible fallout. A friend might also have some useful advice to give that can help you deal with it.
Learning to break the pattern of constantly thinking about the difficult work situation by breathing in fresh air can reduce stress and create balance.
3. Stop analyzing and start doing
The root of so much of our stress and anxiety of not being able to deal with difficult work situations is this frustrating feeling that no matter what we do, it won’t matter.
Our mind destroys us from the inside out.
We get caught up in overthinking, over analyzing our work situations and trying to predict which coworker is aligning with who, who the boss is favoring and why we find ourselves in difficult situations. But what I have realized in facing those situations is that so much of my worry was in my head. It was my overthinking mind that led me to feel that way. It wasn’t reality.
What I learned to do is to bring back control to myself by stopping my spiral of negative thoughts and turning them into action focused on my work.
Find a project, focus on a task and by throwing our full self into making a contribution to the place we work, we can get back control and some relief from all the noise we might be hearing. Even if it is a project at home or with our kids, giving the mind something useful to work on can bring freedom from the difficult work situations.
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Ultimately, I believe that much of our effort to control the difficult work situations is often wasted and all we get is stress.
By getting the body in motion, through exercise, an outside perspective and diving into a project, despite the chaos surrounding us, we can begin to worry less and live more!
How to deal with difficult work situations | Embrace the Chaos | Bob Miglani, Author
This article came at the perfect time, thank you so much. It gave great suggestions and also helped me to see that I am not the only person to go through this. Thanks so much!
Mary,
Wonderful to hear. Thank you so much for your nice comments.
Best wishes,
Bob
Helping the people when they are in need, whether it is food, wealth or advice always considered God’s activity and that person shall be treated as God. Your message is wonderful it helped me to come out from the crisis.
K.P.GANDHI.
Thank you!
Great advice as usual! It is easy to get caught up in the stress of work. After a difficult week in work this article was the pick up I needed.
Thanks, Laura. Hope your weekend is stress free! Warm wishes,
Bob
great advice. What can you do when you are literally held hostage in your office and cannot leave to take that walk or have that lunch with a friend? I am a school nurse, responsible for 2 schools. i can barely get away from one school before I have to do it all over again at my next school. It is absolutely crazy not to have a nurse and an aide in each building. and don’t get me started on all the outside responsibilities we have. Outreach programs, staff education,worker’s comp, Dental clinics, Asthma education, ad nauseum…
Hi Rosemary,
First of all, thank you for doing what you do. I think nurses are so important in our society and we don’t thank you enough for the tireless work you do!
Second, I can understand how difficult it is to get away during the day. One of the things I’ve learned is that there are certain moments in our day which give us some strength and make us smile. And by focusing on those few but precious moments of helping others or making a contribution, it helps us get through a difficult work situation that we might be encountering. It might be a child who you’ve just helped through their asthma attack which is appreciative of what you do. That must be a great feeling!
My wife has a similar job in that she’s constantly pulled every minute of the day at work and one technique she’s learned over the years is to step outside for 30 seconds and take a deep breath. Taking in fresh, cool air brings much needed oxygen into our lungs giving us some clarity in our mind.
Thank you for writing in. I hope this helps and wish you warm regards,
Bob
Great advice! I actually recently wrote an article about dealing with difficult situations using the Resilience Formula. If you’re interested feel free to check it out here http://www.nourish-mindbody.net/?p=111
Natalie,
Thanks for sharing. Enjoyed reading your resiliency formula.
If only we can stop and consider these 4 choices, we would be able to discover that our choice is what matters most!
Best,
Bob
Hey Bob,
First of all, I really enjoyed reading your article, and it gave me some ideas that would hopefully help me with my situation in the future. I made the mistake to date one of my co-workers. He is higher than me in the chain of command. We are now no longer together, but it is still hard for me because the emotions are there. His bestfriend works with us too, and she is such a bad person. She would mention his talking or wanting to date other girls, saying they are hot or whatever. Just to make me feel unconfortable, and she did. I am just so confused and upset and I really don’t know how to deal with it anymore. It’s already hard for me to see him everyday…
Mya,
Thank you for writing and sharing.
I understand where you are coming from. It’s difficult but time does help. Let the words of others fall where they may but never inside your heart and mind. Focus on your work redirecting your energy into something more productive that might help to move forward from your pain. Hope you can rediscover the resiliency that is within.
Best wishes,
Bob
Wonderful. Thank you for replying.
It’s very useful to me
i was confused and i feel difficulty in the work.
this suggestion gives me to work in difficult situations also
Thank you so much
Thanks for your help I also find this useful
Thanks 4 ur effort. Ive learnt alot frm it en i think i can cope better.
Good one, spot on time… rejuvenated! Thanks
Thank you for the wonderful words it definitely helps I tried some of them but I want to know what to do in a situation where you feel downgraded at work ?
Michael,
Thanks for writing.
Being downgraded is a difficult situation because so much is invested emotionally. I’ve been there. Some thoughts:
1. Your work doesn’t define who you are. Yes, we spend most of our day in that place but just because you aren’t treated well there doesn’t mean you are not a worthy person.
2. Focus your energy not on what just happened and how people will perceive you….focus your energy on how you can improve your situation with the actions you take.
3. Don’t let the mind create negative scenarios. Overthinking and overanalyzing make us often feel useless reinforcing the negativity you must be feeling. Don’t give in to that negativity. Instead…;
4. Focus on a goal or a task and get to work on doing it really really well. You probably don’t feel like it but you have to invest your time in something useful otherwise it’s easy to slip down the spiral of anxiety and self doubt
5. It’s a cycle. I remember when I was in a similar situation and thought everyone was against me. I stepped back and realized that things ebb and flow. One minute you’re on top, the other at the bottom and then top again. Nothing is permanent. Remembering that while you might be downgraded now, things will change again and you might just be on top…but you’ve got to keep positive, invest in yourself, do something meaningful and get to work on building something great.
And finally, if your work situation is indeed really toxic, consider leaving and going somewhere else.
Best,
Bob
Hello Bob,
I enjoyed your article very much. Thank you for the tips.
I have a boss that often interrupts, talks down to people and even lies. I had tried talking to him about the way he speaks to me but he only justified the behavior which made the situation worse in my mind. I have grown very unhappy at work and am desperately trying to get out of this downward spiral.
I have also had differences with a coworker who is very similar in persinality to the boss. Despite our differeneces they are actually a very good teacher and I have learned a lot from this person. Any time there has been a concern though they go straight to the boss rather than talking to me first. I am starting to feel like they are all against me. I feel like everything I do is wrong. I had asked to speak to this person privately to smooth over a recent minor misunderstanding and thank them for all they had been teaching me but I never got a response until management came to me asking that I not have any one on one conversations regarding the way I feel at work. I had only the most pure and honest intentions in asking to talk to the person. I feel like I’m becoming that ‘difficult person’ you refer to but I’m not even trying to be. I’m just the type that likes to talk things out but it’s difficult when others would rather go to the boss and when the boss would rather lie and justify behaviors.
I am usually talkative, friendly and happy but this has all made me so withdrawn and uncomfortable. Your advice would be appreciated.
Thank you,
Michelle
Hi Michelle,
Thanks for writing and sharing.
I have been there. I was working in a team with a very similar situation. The boss would look at his watch when anyone else was speaking and was cozy with a couple of people for the wrong reasons. I too became ‘one of those people’ who tried to be honest but was only given the cold shoulder because of political alliances. It can feel very frustrating and I felt stuck and helpless. I know how you feel.
What helped me in that situation was:
1. Recognizing that this situation will pass. It always does. Things change. People move. New people come in. You may not be able to see it but things change over time. Have faith. Really…things will get better.
2. Reinvesting in myself. I started expressing my frustrations out on myself through exercise – I started walking and then running on the treadmill, outside… I learned meditation. Exercise, meditation, yoga, etc. these are wonderful tools to get yourself out of your head and into something useful. Breathing properly opens your mind to fresh possibilities.
3. I set some specific goals for my work and just continued to pound away at them…despite all these obstacles thrown my way. Giving me something to work on focused my energies on what I could control.
4. Spend as little time as needed with the toxic folks. Avoid them. You can’t confront them with honesty…some people just don’t get it.
5. Build your professional brand outside of the department as much as possible. If you are unhappy there and see no way to work with your manager, then plan your exit. Build your brand and get out to work in another area where you feel needed, provide value and you get a fair shot.
I know there’s no easy recipe for dealing with difficult work situations. Because each situation is different. What I can say is that in my experience, it’s easier to change yourself than to change your boss, your colleagues or anyone else. So I spent my time doing that – working on myself and was eventually able to get out of that environment to a better place. It takes time, energy and a lot of self discovery.
I hope this is helpful. Write anytime.
Best wishes.
Bob
Hi Bob,
Thank you so much for writing back. You are absolutely right. I always thought if you just have honest conversation with good intentions things would work out but like you said some people just don’t get it. I’m learning not everyone thinks like me and that means I have to adapt around those people. It’s hard but at least I’m young and have a whole career ahead to work on that. I will definitely be coming back to your site for inspirational articles and tips.
Thanks again,
Michelle
Hi Bob , What can be done if Boss could not catch up things that we do…and keep blame.
Is it my mistake that my work projection is not good or is the boss who doesn’t have capability to understand